I'm Older and I Have More Insurance

Probably one of the best scenes in one of the best movies of all time. 


Today, I was feeling old, useless, out of touch, and basically, just not very...well...relevant. 


In your 20's, you feel immortal. You might feel a bit timid, too. But, mostly, you feel as if you can do anything. 


In your 30's, you realize it's time to settle down and make your mark. You get impatient if you don't get there soon. Whatever your dreams are, you want to see some action in that dept. Some progress.


In your 40's, you know that time is marching on. You're in denial. You're approaching the back side. Middle age. If you haven't started that dream, it's not looking promising. 50 is just not a number you choose to confront. But, it's there. That feeling that you're old, you're being replaced, and worst of all: you're becoming irrelevant. Funny, just when you were feeling smarter than you've ever felt before...


Welcome to mid-40's. Somehow irrelevance and low self esteem found me today. Even amongst a very happy gathering of both new friends and old. I felt like the older, dumpy person in the room amongst so many youngers.  ("Youngers." That's a mommy phrase, btw, to describe the younger children in the family: babies, preschoolers, toddlers, elementary... But in this case these were grown women, just so much younger.) 


And, suddenly, all of this pent up 30-yr old passion to get out there and be and not be afraid, started to crumble. What was I thinking? Who do I think I am that I can be something, do anything, or be relevant? I probably need to just start marching off quietly into the distance. Isn't that what some Native American tribes expected of their elderly? Isn't that (metaphorically speaking) what we expect? If it's not new, young, and tight, it's just not. 


Then, the phrase, "Face it girls, I'm older and I have more insurance," came to my mind. Now, I am a religious person. I am a spiritual person. I am a Christian. I live on many planes in my life (that is, dimensions). And, I know that God speaks to us. And, for me, that can be very interesting. For most, it's the recalling of scripture. And, that happens to me too, when I most need it. But, for me, also, it can be just a funny retort to a thought (clearly not my retort, btw) or even, a reminder from a quirky, secular movie. 


Today, it was Kathy Bates and "Fried Green Tomatoes"... No, I haven't watched it in YEARS.


But, there it was. In my mind.


And in one second, I was back. 


Who was I to cower? Who was I to think suddenly I don't matter? Not relevant? Really? Who was I to think God had no purpose whatsoever for me other than to drift away into the sunset of my life? Who is this insecure girl and who invited her?


Thanks, God. I needed that. 


So, I watched this clip:  TOWANDA!!!!!!! to really remind myself and savor the moment.  


I honestly forgot how she bashed the heck out of that VW.


Meanwhile, I know at least two things. One, I'm older. Two, I have more experience. (Were that it were more insurance....but alas, probably not. Welcome to the 21st Century in America.)


And, I know that I used to spout off things in my 20's thinking I knew so much. I laugh at that 20-something girl, now.  When I'm 60, I'll laugh at this 40-something girl, I'm sure. But, I can always look forward to that still wiser, more insured (or at least experienced) person that I will become in the future. 

She is out there. And, I can't wait to meet her. 


2 Timothy 1: 7: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.




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